What, Lord   So...What, Lord, are You now my reason for living? And further, are You now my reason for giving?    And is my heart overflowing with this?  I have to say, No, at least not totally;    In spite of Your wonderful Gift.    But, You are the way I want it to be;    At least, now, the goal becomes clearer, and, Yes, we’ve had moments of intimacy    that I do want to go even further.    I know there’s a war inside of me,    saying, “This can never be true”... in this life; right here and right now,    when my actions are Lord of You.    What good then, teaching because, if I can’t see;    The door out of addiction is too hard for me! It becomes survival in that pre-cursed way;    Unbreakable chains for another day.   How, then, could He say,“Come and follow Me”    and not give me His power for victory?  Is only the way that can ever be,    by corporate power of unity?   Ananias was involved with one’s that saw this    and he, too, wanted to be a part of all his eyes had observed...    without being One with Me.   What, then, is being One with You?    I thought that I already was.   Keep listening to Me; Keep asking of Me;    This is My way because... You will not settle for anything less    than all that I said to manifest;   I’m leading you into experiences of Me;    Keep your ears open; My eyes do see the paths that aren’t yet, clear to you;    But, I guarantee, they will be soon!    My plan is to persuade you right out of doubt...    so you’ll know what living is all about;  Don’t let the fact that your seventies    have made it too late for desires from Me.    My plan is to give you every one;    If necessary, We’ll add some years on!    Lord, I love it when you talk that way;    You resurrect hope for another day; It seems when You show me, desires of Your Heart;    My mind automatically assumes that this is something I have to pull-off     and the flower just never blooms.   Well, I do, in a sense, have to pull this off;    But, not on my own, without You; You guaranteed that You wouldn’t leave,    as well as not forsake, too.      It seems that the battle raging in me,    is, killing excuses so that I can be right in the midst of all that You said;    To let You raise this one that’s been dead!   So, is this right? My responsibility is then,    responding to You the way Lazarus did?  Even thou dead, he heard Your call    and walked out with no decay at all.            I don’t mean “a call” in some far- out way;    I mean read and do then, all that You say;  And, if I don’t really understand,    which is even harder to believe; At least I can admit, I don’t want to;    The first step to not walking deceived.   I can see that I walk in this path for one day;    And assume that I really will be o.k.;  Then, tomorrow dawns and I’m lord again    to do my own thing and the battle begins.   I’ve concluded, I don’t like to live by faith;    I’d rather cover my tail; You wouldn’t think this would be such a battle,    when I’ve proven that my way will fail...   But, not before it tires me out;    That’s all a part of the plan;  I’m more easily molded when I am in doubt    and I’m apt to forget who I am.   Thank-you, Father, that You will never forget    that I am inscribed on Your Hands;  And You’re revealing Your Heart so I’ll know...    Who The I AM says that I am!   So, I’m trying to evaluate honestly    when I read things like: “Sell all you have...” What is the thing that it triggers in me?   (beside making me really mad).    It’s one thing to sell all    that you’ve worked hard to get;  But to give it away, quite another.     How could He possibly ask this of me? He didn’t; He answered a brother...    that must have seen something that he really wanted,     in spite of all of his wealth;  Yet, we feel so superior to the fact, he was sad;    Where does that leave your pitiful self?    I’m not even sure that he worked hard to get this;    He may have inherited it all; The Word says he was rich and young and a ruler;    I don’t know all that does involve;   But one thing’s for sure; He wanted to keep it;    So following does have a cost; Jesus wouldn’t have told him to do    what would cause him any hurtful loss.    I think that the loss was the thing that would keep him    from gaining what he saw with his eyes and not have to carry the load of the thing    rather, learn how to multiply.    Another thing just came to my mind;    If he gained this by his business sense, he was then involved in promoting a system    that’s designed to keep him from rest.    He must have been witness to multiplication;    Seen needs met without any price; Then we think to ourselves, inside of the box:    Oh man! That would really be nice!   He was walking around being all that He said;    “Come and buy and sell without price!” And further, “Seek Me, first and these things    will be added.” “Test Me now”; My Love will suffice.   Well, I’ve just exhausted many excuses;    and I’ve had some experiences in that: In Him doing just what He said that He would;    He’s turning His faith into fact!!!   February l7th, 2005